Friday, September 22, 2006

Low tide

September 22

Been feeling quite down lately. Those who know me of course understand that it always happens to me after I've spent a certain amount of time in a specific place.

Right now i'm sick of seeing the same people everyday, of doing the same job. I should change the routine, but how?

I live 5 mins walk from school so changing the path is difficult.

I get off work late, so I'm starving and I can't go to bed right after I eat. Since I sleep late, I get up late... that's just common sense.

I'm always exhausted and it's getting worst since I've been sick.

Single and not lovin' it. I think Actually, I think i'm in love but it's the impossible type so hope is killing me.

My friends are simply awesome but it's always like that - I meet new people, we do everything together, spend a lot of time talking, going out, doing stuff, and then after a couple of months I get an overdose of them and just need to be alone.

But when that happens, people see this as rejection. It's not. It's just me. I have issues. I gota be careful. We're supposed to meet tonight but I'm so not in the mood. Am I a bad person for not wanting to see my friends? Sometimes I just really need to isolate myself, nothing personal.

At work my co-workers are cool but I just can't stand being around them. Lately, every day seems the same. Like in that movie with Bill Murray, "Groundhog day"... I might as well just kill myself and yet I'll wake up the next morning and it'll be the same day again.

Fortunaly Chuseok is coming soon and I'll have about a week or so to get out of my rot. I'm thinking of going to a Buddhist monastery, hiking in the south and going to a spa. Sounds pretty nice, but reality might hit pretty hard when I come back.

I guess i'm just not the type of person who can stay put for more than 3 months. The same happened in France last year. And before that too. I was used to boarding school, rez in cegep... even when I was at McGill, I spent 2 years in the same apartment and I was going nuts. Why do I need change so bad??